sui cide feels like

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Sui cide feels like:

i feel

so much

that

it becomes

Painful and

i want to

kill

my human ity

Take its life

for another purpose.

a higher reasoning

Bring it somewhere safer.

this sensational

moment

taking me to a

level of being

and consciousness that

I think

Must be

A place

Where i can die and find myself alive still yet

in that same moment.

Where I can

be killed already and now I live.

in

quantum superposition

A moment where i realize and

exist in real time, that i am

not human how i think I must be.

and my tears are hateful to me

no longer

 

my orbit is in retrograde

i feel

the need to

escape my body

the confines of my body and

its forcing of

me.

my blood is storming

steaming

underneath and

stressing to be set free from its boundaries.

the Horned Serpants are cycling Me down

and un met longing

– that escapes the english language and

hungers to be described

– for a time and a state and a freedom

that is

so far in distant memory

i cant be sure to trust

whose memory

or delusion it is

the point of living it

feels like: just because

a surprisingly

sufficient answer

when the cosmos turns in-to itself

just because

 

i am so deathly afraid

because i am so dealthy un afraid

of my in-human ity

of Truth and love dripping through

my

fingers like gasping for living waters

Suicide feels like that:

feels like I’m still alive.

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